Once More with Feeling

So it’s been a few weeks after the panic attack. Overall my general mood seems to be back into the range of what I consider normal. But everything is not completely where I’d like it.

I’ve become extremely restless. This is not a new feeling at all mind you. But it seems to be really hitting me now. I don’t feel like doing anything even though I desperately want to do something. I’ve been doing outlines and writing bits on different stories. But I can’t focus on one. I’m all over the place.

 

And it is so frustrating to me. I hate this feeling. I just feel so lazy and I feel like I could be studying for the GED test or practicing my French but I can’t even muster up the will to do it anymore. Where’s my drive?

 

I know I need to be patient and I know that it will eventually go away but I’m impatient. I wonder if I went to the pdoc would they tell me anything different? I don’t have an actual appointment until two months from now. I’m not in any danger but I’m just feeling all these different emotions and intensely and I don’t like it all.

Duke of Midnight by Elizabeth Hoyt Review

Everytime I see the title I say it in a dramatic voice. Like imagine the narrator of the primetime soap opera or something. Put the emphasis on Duke.

Anyway yes I have finished it! I really, really liked it. I didn’t love it but I really enjoyed this book you guys. It isn’t my favorite of Hoyt’s work but I think it’s a good entry on her bibliography. Anyway enough of that and on to the review.

Duke of Midnight (Maiden Lane, #6)Duke of Midnight by Elizabeth Hoyt

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Haha once again the subplot of the previous book gives a clue to who the hero and heroine will be in the next book. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS!

Finished on Oct. 25, 2013

Okay! So I was really excited about this book. I read the previous book about a week or so ago into preparation for this one. Honestly I wasn’t expecting to actually be able to read it until around the end of the moment. But I won it!

This book…I really enjoyed it. Of course when I read the blurb I immediately thought…it’s the goddamn Batman!

Maximus does seem to have a lot in common with the Bat guy. He fights crime by night and by day he’s a powerful duke…okay not completely but you get the general idea.

Artemis…I really liked her. She’s…I’m trying to find the right words to describe her. She’s first shown as unobtrusive. You aren’t likely to notice her but I like that she is confident in herself. I mean being in her position I don’t think I would be as confident and self assured as I read her to be. She’s sure about her brother. She decides what she wants even though she knows it can only hurt her. I really liked her.

The mystery? Well I thought that the murderer was going to be someone else but it turned to be someone completely different. I guess it kinda came out of left field. I mean I feel like it would have been a complete twist if it was someone else. Lol I mean I just thought it was the assuming person at first but it wasn’t which is a tad bit sad. That would have been awesome.

So how do I rate this? I really enjoyed the book but it’s not in the LOVE it category either. But I did stay up to finish it which hasn’t happened in a long, long time. So I think I can safely rate it 4 stars. Very intriguing but doesn’t quite has that bang.

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Lord of Darkness by Elizabeth Hoyt Review

Hello my lovelies I return. I have been reading frequently but like my attention span it jumps around. I finally finished one though. It was a good one.

Lord of Darkness (Maiden Lane, #5)Lord of Darkness by Elizabeth Hoyt

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

So I confess that I picked up this book because the latest one is coming out. It’s not like I wasn’t intending on reading it eventually, but I got excited that another was about to be released so I jumped on this one.

Megs situation intrigued me. It could have been done very badly but I think Ms. Hoyt made it work. I wasn’t completely sure about Godric. To be honest as a hero he doesn’t quite make my heart flutter but he was adequate.

This installment was okay. I really didn’t love as much as I did the others. I guess it’s because while I enjoyed it, it really didn’t have that BANG. It was good, enjoyable, but I didn’t completely love it.

But I am really interested to see what Ms. Hoyt does with the upcoming book. The characters of that one were introduced in the subplot of this one. I’m really looked forward to it.

So three stars for Lord of Darkness. Enjoyable but didn’t quite have that bang.

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ICD

For the longest time I have been what other authors would call a “panster”.  When I wrote I would literally start out with a vague idea and go from there. It served me well as I wrote prolifically  but perhaps it lends itself to my former inability to write longer pieces. The bulk of my work ranges from the 500 to 1K. But a few months ago I decided to change that.

I was tired of complaining about my inability to write novels. I had ideas for longer stories but I didn’t know how to go about writing them.

I joined a number of writing communities on Livejournal and Dreamwidth. For one a prompt set forth the following: write an outline of a story. So I did. I didn’t think much of it.

 

But I found myself returning to the document. I started to expand the simple paragraphs into something bigger. Then I jumped into writing. I didn’t have much of a chapter outline. I’m not completely ready to give up the pantsing. But so far I’ve gotten way past my other pieces of writing. It’s about 12K at the moment.

 

I don’t know changed in the past week but I’ve been seeking more information on plotting. I’ve tried several things and I’m still finding my groove but I have to say I quite like the whole having a plan thing.

 

I’m constantly learning something new about writing. I think that’s why I love it so much. It continues to enthrall me.

We Meet Again

In the early morning hours of September 30 I started to feel weird. This feeling was different from the general weirdness I feel which happens when I haven’t had enough sleep. That weirdness is characterized by grumpiness, sore eyes, and yawning. No this weirdness was…weirder. I didn’t realize what it was at first. My body felt out of whack and my chest hurt a bit. I just didn’t feel anything like myself.                     

As the night went on I started to panic. What was wrong with me? I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t calm down, and I felt like I was going mad. Around 6 am I crawled into my mother’s bed hoping that would calm me down but it didn’t. I succeeded in scaring her and myself. It was about this time that I realized that I was having a panic attack.

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I haven’t had a panic in almost seven years. I haven’t been anxious so I ruled that out at first. Don’t you need to be worried about something to have a panic attack?

My mother called the EMTs and they were able to get me to calm down because I wasn’t able to do it by myself. But afterwards I felt weak and I felt vulnerable. I still don’t feel back to myself six days later. I guess I’m worried. I realize that I’m not as bulletproof as I’d like to think and that’s weighing heavily on me.

 

The attack made me realize that I need to put my needs first. My current mental health provider only treats bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I’m currently having a lot of issues with my borderline and then of course the panic attack happened. Though I’ve had good care with the center and they helped me in my time of need, I realize I can’t let my loyalty overrule my health. So I took the first step and called a new provider that treats other issues. I’ll miss the people at the center but I can always keep in contact. I think I need to remember that.