I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me.-Anais Nin
I have been silent these past few months. Not only on my website but somewhat on social media. This year has been hard, but I do feel like it has made me a stronger person.
My writing goals have fallen by the side of the road, but hopefully, I am finally getting back on track. I am trying to work on a novel right now.
It’s called the Lotus Eaters. I suppose you could call it a coming of age novel, but it’s more a novel of transformation. (At least right now in the early stages). It’s not the ‘novel of my heart’ but it’s something I need to get off my chest of course.
I hope to keep the site updated with my writing process and some reviews and perhaps even the college life!
I’m having trouble writing again. I’ve been wasting time (in my view) by playing video games. I haven’t been productive. I don’t feel blocked per se. I can still write, but it’s mostly freewriting. I still have ideas, but no concrete movement you know? I haven’t an utter clue what’s wrong. My inclination is to google it lol.
I’m trying not to be too hard on myself. This year hasn’t been exactly easy for my family and I. But I feel so empty when I don’t write…
For as long as I can remember I have loved writing. I don’t remember exactly when the bug took hold but I pinpoint it to the early millennium when I was in the first throes of my pop music obsession and needed an outlet to deal with it. I don’t know why, but I decided to write about the various pop stars at the time (You know Britney, Justin, Nick [both Carter and Lachey], Jessica and Christina) in this fangled melodramatic soap opera. I say this with fondness.
I didn’t write again seriously until I was in my late teens. Picture it: Britney’s in and out of rehab. I’m in and out of the hospital. How do I deal? By writing poetry and…journaling? I picked up more than medication while I was hospitalized. I picked up one of the greatest habits of my life. Did I hate it, at first, having to journal three times a fucking day? Are you kidding me? It irked the shit out me. Something in it appealed to me though because I continue to do it to this day whether I’m happy, sad, elated, or bored. I have a deep need to reflect back on things and seeing as my memories can play tricks on me it’s nice to have a written record.
Writing has always been something I’ve done for pleasure, but for the past few years I’ve been chasing that elusive goal: to be published. I was published albeit on a tiny scale and you know what? Nothing changed. I got what I wanted and while I was excited, of course, my old feelings of not feeling like I measured up and needing to prove myself still came back.
I’ve been focusing so much on trying to get published that I lost sight of why I began to write in the first place. Because I love it. Writing seems more like a chore and not something I look forward to. It seems like *gasp* a job! Not a career!
I’m determined to change that. I’m going back to the basics. I need to find my love for writing again. I know one thing for sure: I’ll enjoy the ride.