Is it black or blue?
This body that used to be
What am I going to do?
Here on the Earth without
Your crooked smile.
Your witch’s laugh
It’s so cliche but that saying is true. I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn’t always the best granddaughter, but I now see that I loved the hell out of my grandmother. I didn’t see it back then, but I was taking the steps to resolve my issues a long time before she died because of my fears of hurting her. I told someone I don’t know why it took her getting sick to see that. But I guess you can’t see the forest for the trees.
I never thought of myself as a superstitious person, but I’ve always been analytic. A few years ago I started to notice that every summer something bad would happen to me or my family. I’ve got a running tally. The Cruel Summers as I call them began in 2009 about a year after we moved to the city. I’m hoping 2016 will break the cycle.
Yesterday (It’s after midnight now my time) I went out to an artist’s gathering. I’ve been trying to put myself out there both with my work and myself. And this was perfect.
And it really was. I didn’t get to speak to many people but I realized that the artist community is alive and vibrant here in the city. It gave me a lot of hope and just being there made me feel grown and professional you know.
There’s a contest that’s happening. I’m planning on submitting the short story I’ve been working on and indeed I started rewriting my opening while I was there and on the way home. I’ve never felt so inspired.
There will be a market for the ‘unknowns’ that I’m planning on going to. I’m making a chapbook that I plan to offer and I’m looking for music to accompany me since I want to perform some of them aloud. The genre of music I’m looking at is called dark ambient. I think it fits since the theme of my chapbook is Uncertainty.
Uncertainty keeps recurring for me right now. I’m trying to finish my education and I’m not sure where I’ll end up and I don’t have any idea what my life is going to look like in 5 years time and I’m scared. Excited but really scared. So that’s the focus of the chapbook. I already have six poems written.
Well I have finally finished the first chapter of the as of yet untitled Ashwood Girls book. See originally the chapter split up when Chloe went off to school. But as I was reading my then second chapter I realized that they really could be condensed into one and so they were. I’ve got about 2,200 words on it.
And I realized today as I got ready to write chapter two that I didn’t have a chapter by chapter outline of the book but I did have a general outline. So now I have chapters 2 and 3 outlined. I’m going to try to outline the next two and perhaps write on the second before I go to bed.
And poetry wise? Well it’s going well. I got really good critiques on my fate poem and I’m reworking it. I’ve also taken Bernadette Meyer’s advice to keep a writing journal which strangely I’ve written more in than my normal paper journal haha. I think it goes without saying that I really like writing.